We’ve all done it… allowed little pebbles of resentment to fester and grow into cold, hard stones of negativity that color every interaction we have with someone.
So, number one is something you already know:
Unaddressed resentment gets bigger.
The second thing is the key to understanding your resentment.
Resentment is about unmet needs.
The third will change everything:
It is our responsibility to prevent resentment in our relationships by enforcing boundaries that allow us to get our needs met.
You might want to read that one again.
Let’s take the last two one at a time. Relationships feel good when both people get enough of their needs met. Resentment happens when one person’s needs consistently take priority over the other’s. This can be a difficult balancing act, and without good communication and strong boundaries resentment can take root and smolder.
This leads us to my final point that it is our responsibility to prevent resentment in our relationships by enforcing boundaries that allow us to get our needs met. What happens with resentment is that we blame the other person for preventing our needs from getting met.
But here's the thing that’s hard to hear:
We have to make our needs a priority.
We have to enforce boundaries that get our needs met.
We have to define the steps we will take to get our needs met–even when the other person cannot or will not help us do that.
This is the ultimate “Self-Care Step.” And let’s face it, if we don’t put our needs somewhere near the top of the list, no one else will.
So, ask yourself three questions:
What is a pebble of resentment I’d like to let go of?
What unmet need is at the root of this resentment?
What is an action step I can take to get this need met even if the other person cannot or will not help me?
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