
It’s bad enough to feel negative emotions, but often we add insult to injury by criticizing ourselves for feeling them:
I shouldn’t be so anxious.
I should be able to control my temper.
What’s wrong with me that I’m not happier?
No one enjoys feeling negative emotions, but they are part of the human experience and accepting them is the fastest way through them.
Many of us learned early on, though, that some emotions are inappropriate:
Anger is unladylike.
Being “in your feelings” is unmanly.
Sadness and fear are weak.
But here’s the thing: Emotions are facts.
Just like feeling a headache is a fact. Feeling an emotion is a fact. If you feel angry, you feel angry–no matter how much you wish you didn’t.
How we respond to our emotions is where we should put our focus… not on trying not to have emotions in the first place. And so again, the first step to responding to a negative emotion in a way that will serve us is to accept that we feel the way we feel without judging ourselves for it.
Then we can explore why we feel the way we feel and what we can do to feel better. The good news is negative emotions will help us improve our relationships and our lives, if we listen to them.
Anger is often telling us we deserve to be treated better.
Sadness is showing us something we care deeply about.
Anxiety is inviting us to protect and take care of ourselves.
Negative emotions are only “bad” if we fail to listen to them and shame ourselves for having them. So, embrace your emotions–even the ones that don’t feel great–and use them to get more of your needs met.
Is there a negative emotion I judge myself for having, and if so, how is that emotion nudging me to take care of myself?