In her book Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic and What We Can Do About It, which I highly recommend for all parents, Jennifer Beheny Wallace gives this simple yet profound advice: “Don’t worry alone.”*
For all of you out there who are lying awake at night with a mind full of worries, take this to heart: Don’t worry alone.
Research consistently shows that talking about anxiety and receiving social support are powerful tools for mitigating anxiety.
But we don’t need research to tell us this. We can feel it in our bodies.
And it just makes sense–adding loneliness on top of anxiety, which is what happens when we worry alone, exacerbates the problem.
And the other thing to consider is that unexamined fears are much scarier than worries we confront one by one, receive support for, and problem solve around.
There are many reasons we hold things in:
We don’t want to be a burden;
We think we’re overreacting;
We know we have it so much better than others and should therefore be grateful.
But the other thing to consider is how good it feels when someone trusts us enough to open up and be vulnerable. It is an honor that lets us know we matter.
The truth is we are social beings and we bond through authenticity and vulnerability. So have the courage to talk about your worries and anxiety. Not only will you feel better but perhaps you will inspire someone else not to worry alone, and that will be a powerful gift.
What is one worry you could share with one person who cares about you?
*Wallace credits psychiatrist Edward Hallowell with giving this advice in his book The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness.
Comments