As a therapist who works with adolescents, I see almost daily how soul-crushing our achievement-driven culture can be. The relentless pressure to perform, compete, and win can feel overwhelming. While competition and achievement aren’t inherently bad, they can overshadow something even more vital: self-esteem rooted in inherent worthiness—the kind that reminds us we’re lovable even when we fail.
How do we nurture this type of self-worth in the people we love?
By noticing and praising aspects of their character, their unique personality traits, and the ways they make a positive impact in their relationships and the world.
When you tell your child you enjoy spending time with them and appreciate their sense of humor, you build their sense of self.
When you praise your spouse for being a great listener or parent, you nurture their inherent worthiness.
When you admire your business partner’s integrity, you reinforce their sense of internal goodness.
As with most things in life, balance is key. Living in a competitive culture can push us to grow, stretch beyond our comfort zones, and achieve meaningful goals. But if we drive ourselves relentlessly and base our self-worth solely on outperforming others, it can harm not just our self-esteem, but also our relationships.
So, ask yourself, “What makes me worthy and deserving of love?”
If the answer isn’t what you’d like it to be, take this moment to start noticing your own good qualities. They are there—you just might have been so busy striving, you forgot to see them.