Ask Yourself, “How Am I a Match to This?”

When life doesn’t go our way, it’s easy to look for someone or something else to blame. In fact, it’s human nature. 

Psychologists call this the self-serving bias—we tend to credit ourselves for our successes and blame outside forces for our failures. Meanwhile, when it comes to others, we often do the opposite, assuming their missteps are due to personal flaws. This is known as the fundamental attribution error.

These cognitive biases help us preserve our self-esteem and feel more in control of our lives. But they can also create blind spots that hinder self-awareness and growth.

One of the most powerful questions we can ask ourselves when we hit a patch of adversity is: “How am I a match to this?”

This isn’t about blame—it’s about agency.

When we take a compassionate look at the ways we may have contributed to a problem—through our choices, beliefs, patterns, or reactions—we reclaim the power to show up differently and create different outcomes.

That’s what resilience is about:Not blaming ourselves, but being brave enough to look at what’s in our control and evolve.

So today, I invite you to tuck this question into your back pocket and use it often.

Are you facing a challenge right now?

If so, ask yourself: “How am I a match to this?”