Something happens at family reunions where old dynamics resurface, and we slip into outdated roles that don’t reflect who we are today. Instead of bringing forward our best parts, we get stuck in patterns from the past:
Our brother picks on us, and the argumentative part of us flares up.
Our dad criticizes us, and the insecure part of us takes over.
Our stepmom gives unsolicited advice, and our resentful part leaps in.
Outside of our families, we are so much more. We have parts of ourselves we’re proud of—strengths we show to friends, coworkers, and even strangers. But with our families, we shrink into one-dimensional versions of ourselves, defined by old habits.
It doesn’t have to be this way.
This Thanksgiving, take a moment to think about the parts of yourself—and your family members—you’d like to retire, and the parts you want to bring forward instead:
Maybe you’ll lead with the easy-going part of yourself this year instead of sparring with your brother.
Maybe you’ll initiate conversations that allow your sister’s business acumen to shine instead of goading her to be the clown.
Maybe you’ll guide the conversation with your mom toward her adventurous side by asking about her latest travels instead of focusing on her worries.
With a little intention, you can choose the parts of yourself you want to lead with and invite your family to do the same.
So, when you feel a reactive part of yourself bubbling up, take a pause. Remind yourself of the version of you that you want to bring to the table, and extend your family the same grace you’d give to a friend.
This Thanksgiving, what parts of yourself will you lead with?