I almost titled this “Stop Expecting People to Read Your Mind,” but that sounds a little too harsh. And the truth is, I’ve done this myself—expected the people who love me to know what I need without my having to say it.
“They should know this,” I’ve said to myself. “I want them to do it without having to be told!” I hear this so often in couples counseling, but it’s a dangerous line of thinking that sets us up for disappointment and hurt.
On the other hand, being clear about what we need takes the guesswork out of things for our partners and makes life so much easier.
So, why is it so difficult for many of us to ask for what we need?
For one thing, the list of people whose needs take priority over ours is often long. In fact, jot down right now the people whose needs you put ahead of your own.
Seriously—write them down, or say them out loud.
If your list is long, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It can be a wonderful thing, unless… somewhere along the way you learned that you don’t deserve to get your needs met—that it’s your job to serve and accommodate.
Only you know if the scale feels out of balance, but the way you finish this sentence can serve as a barometer:
If I put my needs ahead of someone else’s, it means that I am ______.
My intention today is to remind you that you deserve to get your needs met—we all do—and if you don’t make your needs a priority in your own life, no one else will.
So, ask yourself: What need, if I could find a way to get it met, would improve my life the most?
And then, have the courage to ask for it.