Self Care Sunday: Make Your Home Life More Relaxing

Truth be told, most of us have a few pet peeves around the house. And, chances are, your family members have a few pet peeves of their own. Some of them are big. Some are small. Regardless, your home should be a place for relaxing, for feeling loved, and for giving love.

Why not take some time to address these pet peeves in a way that is funny, engaging, and easy to resolve? Here is an activity sheet to help guide your conversations with your family members to resolve these irritations and make your home culture more joy-filled.

 

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Self-Care Sunday: Be a Floater

In our parent community, Resilience-Based Parenting,™ we help kids develop a strategy called “floating.” 

This strategy is equally as valuable for adults as it is for kids, so in today’s Self-Care Sunday tip, we encourage you to be a floater. 

Being a floater means that you float amongst various social groups. You have friends from work, friends from college, and friends from the rock-climbing gym. 

This resilience skill helps kids avoid friendship drama and adjust when friendship dynamics become difficult or unpleasant, or when certain friends simply are not available. 

By the time we are adults, the friendship drama is (hopefully) resolved. But being a floater is helpful for adults for other reasons. 

First, different friends “match” different parts of our personalities. You might have friends who love to exercise, and this encourages the part of you that wants to stay healthy. You might have friends who are highly...

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Self-Care Sunday: How to Show Up When You Feel Insecure

self-care sunday Mar 28, 2021

We are all put in situations in which we lack confidence. Perhaps we are taking up a new hobby, meeting a new group of people, or embarking on a new career. 

In today’s Self-Care Sunday tip, we take a look at how we can show up as empowered, positive versions of ourselves, even when we feel uncomfortable. After all, how we show up in these situations can determine whether we ultimately enjoy the experience or walk away feeling awkward and even embarrassed. 

Showing up as our best possible selves is a skill, one that we teach in our Resilience-Based Parenting course, and one that all adults and children can benefit from learning. 

Consider, for instance, what people look like when they do not have this skill. They can come across as combative or defensive, when really they are just feeling insecure. Oftentimes, they laugh at themselves, but not in a good way. Rather, their self-deprecation makes people around them feel uncomfortable. 

The good news...

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Self-Care Sunday: Move Toward Desire, Not Away From Fear

self-care sunday Mar 21, 2021

In today's Self-Care Sunday tip, we encourage you to consciously move in the direction of what you desire rather than away from what you fear.

When making decisions, we have a tendency to either move toward desire or away from fear.

Moving toward desire can be scary.

After all, if you do not achieve your desires, you might feel embarrassed or rejected.

And yet, leaning in the direction of what you want is the only way to achieve your dreams.

If you are constantly moving away from something out of fear, you will almost certainly never get what it is that you actually want.

Moving toward a desire is always the path for an authentic life.

Moving away from fear is always the path for a life of unspoken and unrealized dreams.

So many people talk themselves out of their dreams because they think it feels better to not want them than to want them and not achieve them.

But this is not actually true. Pretending like we don't want things only makes us feel disempowered and apathetic about...

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Self-Care Sunday: Are Your Labels Helping ... or Holding You Back?

self-care sunday Feb 28, 2021

In today's Self-Care Sunday tip, we take a look at whether the labels you have given yourself are helping you or holding you back.

We all have certain stories that we tell about ourselves, and some of them are truly empowering. I am an entrepreneur. I am an athlete. I am a family man.

These are all labels that we might use to help us establish our values and the boundaries around who we are and who we want to be.

But sometimes, labels stop us from growing in ways that can be small or big.

You can see how labeling yourself a "bad dancer" will likely stop you from getting on the dance floor or taking a dance class with your partner and gaining experience. Saying that you have a "block" when it comes to learning a foreign language or a musical instrument will cause you to stop trying. After all, if you believe these to be true, why would you even try?

And while these might be small examples—heck, you might not want to dance, play an instrument, or speak a foreign...

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Self-Care Sunday: Pursue Your Hobbies

self-care sunday Feb 21, 2021

In today's Self-Care Sunday tip, we want to encourage you to pursue your hobbies.                  
   
The word "hobby" sounds trite, like it's the cute little thing that you do on the side.

Culturally, the word has some negative connotations, as though hobbies are frivolous. But devoting time to activities that we enjoy—that we value, that we are good at—for no other reason than to nurture our souls, feeds our sense of self and demonstrates our sense of self-worth.

Hobbies give us purpose. They show us that we can improve upon ourselves and become masterful. We might have jobs that we do not like. We might have familial obligations that are not that much fun, but our hobbies connect us to ourselves and offer us moments of ease and joy.

Hobbies allow us to relax, tune out the chatter in our minds, and forget about our stresses for a while. So make time for your hobbies,...

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Self-Care Sunday: Pinpoint What You Love About Your Relationships

self-care sunday Feb 14, 2021

In today's Self-Care Sunday tip, we encourage you to pinpoint what you love about your relationships, and then make a plan to preserve these aspects.

It is often easy to see someone’s best qualities at the beginning of a relationship, especially romantic relationships (though this applies to most relationships as well). This is when both parties are putting their best foot forward, and because they have not spent very much time together, there is no pent-up resentment getting in the way of all of those great qualities shining forth. 

But as relationships progress, we begin to notice the other sides—the flaws, or the aspects of their personality that push our buttons. The day-to-day aspects of life take over, and we start to lose track of all those wonderful beginning-of-a-relationship feelings. Instead, we focus on the flaws and the things that are not going well.

The great parts of the other person’s personality begin to fade to the background ...

...

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Self-Care Sunday: Write the Next Chapter

self-care sunday Feb 07, 2021

One of the outcomes of the coronavirus-related shutdowns is that people are in a position where they can more easily identify what is important and what isn’t important. We all know that there are certain activities we cannot wait to do again, and we also know that there are certain activities we are relieved to no longer be doing.

So why not be intentional about identifying what our ideal lives look like, and then take this time to put parameters around the next chapter so that it more closely resembles your desires?

When you consider what this next chapter looks like, you might identify activities you can stop doing, but you might also identify activities you want to keep doing. For instance, you might realize that you don’t really miss your volunteer activities all that much, and that you have loved the evening walks you take with your family. Maybe you would rather spend time with your family than pursue some of the activities that would cause you to spend less time...

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Self-Care Sunday: Stack the Deck with Supportive Friendships

self-care sunday Jan 31, 2021

In today's Self-Care Sunday tip, we take a look at the concept of "stacking the deck" with respect to friendship.

"Stacking the deck" means that you stack the deck in your favor by surrounding yourself with people who bring out the best in you and encourage your strengths to thrive, which in turn boosts your sense of self-worth.

Surrounding yourself with good-feeling people who lift you up might sound obvious, but many people don't do it.

It begins in childhood. We are told to respect our elders, defer to adults, and not rock the boat with authority figures. When we come up against a teacher, coach or counselor we don't like, we are advised to be polite and keep it to ourselves.

We then grow into adults who allow not-so-great-feeling people into our lives out of politeness. We tolerate people who make us feel bad because we don't want to hurt their feelings. We spend time with people—and sometimes even marry them—who don't bring out the best in us.

Using ...

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Self-Care Sunday: Extend Yourself Some Grace

self-care sunday Jan 24, 2021

We all cycle through a range of emotions from day-to-day and hour-to-hour. You may feel anger and joy, all within a matter of minutes, but everyone has a predominant emotional state.

To understand this, check out the Emotion Escalator.™

If you were to circle the emotions you feel most often in any recent week, you would find they cluster around one or two steps on the Escalator. This is your predominant emotional state. Another way to think of it is as the mood you feel most often.

Here is the truth about your predominant emotional state: It is unlikely to take a giant leap forward in a short period of time.

So right now, in the middle of a pandemic, when people’s lives and livelihoods are being destroyed, when we are all lonely and worried, please take a moment to extend yourself a little grace. You won’t (and shouldn’t) always feel like life is filled with sunshine and roses and unicorns dancing on your front lawn.

Keep in mind, too, that your...

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