Do You Resent Your Family Because They Aren't Helpful on Thanksgiving?

Do you already resent your kids and your spouse a bit because you expect them to be less-than-helpful on Thanksgiving Day? If so, here is a strategy that will help you alleviate some of this resentment now, and for all future holidays and celebrations ... 
 
Call a family meeting in advance and let your children and your spouse know what you need from them so that the day feels good to you. 
 
However, instead of lecturing them about how they have failed you by being less-than-helpful and inconsiderate in the past; how you are always responsible for both the cooking and the cleaning; and how you have already planned the menu, done the shopping, and timed the delivery of appetizers, turkey, and all side dishes, use this formula for communicating your needs ...
 
1. Start from a place of self-care and describe (in positive terms) what you want the day to be like for yourself. 
 
2. Without blaming, lecturing, or bringing up past infractions, state...
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Find Your Parenting Strength, and Be Mediocre at the Rest

You can’t do it all. You can’t home cook every meal, attend every sporting event, work a full-time job, read to your kids every night, teach them great manners, introduce them to next year’s vocab words, take them to museums, memorize facts about Greek mythology, and tell great stories.

We can only do so much as parents. 
 
So let go of whatever picture you have of the perfect parent. Instead, figure out which aspects you are amazing at, and lean into those. 
 
When you spend time “in your strengths,” you show up as the best version of yourself. You will be happier, more patient, and more relaxed when you are doing things you know you do well and that you enjoy.
  • Are you really good at telling stories but not so great at roasting chicken?
  • Are you funny but clueless about soccer and not super interested in learning? 
  • Great at teaching but not so great at throwing birthday parties?
  • The most fun at taking your kids...
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Get Your Family a "Jar of Funny Consequences"

Are there certain little things around the house that just grate on your nerves? They aren't a big deal, really, but you get tired of hearing yourself nag your family members. Maybe your spouse leaves the sponge in the sink, and your daughter never closes the door when she's chatting (loudly) with her friends. 
 
Truth be told, there are probably a few things your family members would prefer that you stop doing, too. Maybe they don't actually like it when you scream, "Mommy and Daddy love you!" at the top of your lungs when you drop them off at school. 
 
In general, we are big proponents of eliminating artificial reinforcers and consequences and, instead, allowing people to develop real-world incentives for positive behaviors and experience real-world consequences for negative behaviors. This is how we raise resilient kids with self-efficacy. We don't want kids doing things just for the treat, nor do we want to scare kids into...
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