How often do kids have to listen to listen to their parents, teachers, coaches, babysitters ... and no one ever asks their opinions?
How often do kids get dismissed because we don’t think they have enough life experience to add anything meaningful to the conversation?
But, kids have something to say, and if we don’t ask their opinions, they won’t feel seen, and they won’t feel validated by their parents. Beyond that, they won’t have the experience necessary to think through their opinions and refine them.
When adults do not ask children for their opinions, children grow into adults who feel unsure of themselves. They second guess themselves. They don’t know what to think or how to make their voices heard.
Asking kids to share their opinions is such an easy thing to do, and it helps children not only build their self-esteem, but it also lets them practice having conversations and thinking through their positions...
Resilient kids have strong support systems. They are surrounded with people who bring out the best in them, and they have people cheering them on, supporting them, and helping them when times get tough.
This includes peers, of course, but it also includes adults.
To that end, help your children identify one (or even a few) safe adults whom they can turn to if they need adult guidance.
Of course, we want to believe that our children will come to us when they need help, but at times, they might be embarrassed or afraid to talk to their parents about certain problems.
Oftentimes, though, these problems are the ones that would best be solved with guidance from an adult.
So who can your children turn to if they need adult guidance, and they don't want to talk to you?
Start a conversation with your children and help them identify these people, which might include teachers, your friends, or other family members.
Give them permission to reach out to someone other than you who can help keep...
We all want to be happy, adults and kids alike. Indeed, happiness is a key component of resilience. When people are resilient, they grow stronger and more able to move the needle in the direction of a happy life.
Happiness and resilience go hand-in-hand. The same qualities that make a person resilient also make a person happy.
Have you ever talked to your kids about this? If they are tweens, now might be the time to start this conversation, revisiting it when the opportunity arises.
In today's Self-Care Sunday tip, we encourage you to pinpoint what you love about your relationships, and then make a plan to preserve these aspects.
It is often easy to see someone’s best qualities at the beginning of a relationship, especially romantic relationships (though this applies to most relationships as well). This is when both parties are putting their best foot forward, and because they have not spent very much time together, there is no pent-up resentment getting in the way of all of those great qualities shining forth.
But as relationships progress, we begin to notice the other sides—the flaws, or the aspects of their personality that push our buttons. The day-to-day aspects of life take over, and we start to lose track of all those wonderful beginning-of-a-relationship feelings. Instead, we focus on the flaws and the things that are not going well.
The great parts of the other person’s personality begin to fade to the background ...
One of the outcomes of the coronavirus-related shutdowns is that people are in a position where they can more easily identify what is important and what isn’t important. We all know that there are certain activities we cannot wait to do again, and we also know that there are certain activities we are relieved to no longer be doing.
So why not be intentional about identifying what our ideal lives look like, and then take this time to put parameters around the next chapter so that it more closely resembles your desires?
When you consider what this next chapter looks like, you might identify activities you can stop doing, but you might also identify activities you want to keep doing. For instance, you might realize that you don’t really miss your volunteer activities all that much, and that you have loved the evening walks you take with your family. Maybe you would rather spend time with your family than pursue some of the activities that would cause you to spend less time...
In today's Self-Care Sunday tip, we take a look at the concept of "stacking the deck" with respect to friendship.
"Stacking the deck" means that you stack the deck in your favor by surrounding yourself with people who bring out the best in you and encourage your strengths to thrive, which in turn boosts your sense of self-worth.
Surrounding yourself with good-feeling people who lift you up might sound obvious, but many people don't do it.
It begins in childhood. We are told to respect our elders, defer to adults, and not rock the boat with authority figures. When we come up against a teacher, coach or counselor we don't like, we are advised to be polite and keep it to ourselves.
We then grow into adults who allow not-so-great-feeling people into our lives out of politeness. We tolerate people who make us feel bad because we don't want to hurt their feelings. We spend time with people—and sometimes even marry them—who don't bring out the best in us.
We all cycle through a range of emotions from day-to-day and hour-to-hour. You may feel anger and joy, all within a matter of minutes, but everyone has a predominant emotional state.
To understand this, check out the Emotion Escalator.™
If you were to circle the emotions you feel most often in any recent week, you would find they cluster around one or two steps on the Escalator. This is your predominant emotional state. Another way to think of it is as the mood you feel most often.
Here is the truth about your predominant emotional state: It is unlikely to take a giant leap forward in a short period of time.
So right now, in the middle of a pandemic, when people’s lives and livelihoods are being destroyed, when we are all lonely and worried, please take a moment to extend yourself a little grace. You won’t (and shouldn’t) always feel like life is filled with sunshine and roses and unicorns dancing on your front lawn.
Keep in mind, too, that your...
One of the biggest misconceptions about emotions is this: Negative emotions are bad.
The truth is, negative emotions aren't bad. We call them negative because they feel bad, but negative emotions are actually good. Anger is usually telling us that we deserve better. Sadness is often reminding us of people and things that are important to us. Fear is trying to alert us to danger and telling us to protect ourselves.
But sometimes, we need a break from negative emotions. Sometimes, even when our anger is justified, carrying it around is wrecking our day. Sometimes it causes us to snap at people who don't deserve it. And sometimes, even when we are in the midst of honoring and processing our anger, sadness, or fear, we just need a break from them for a little while.
Today, for Self-Care Sunday, why not make a list of your Instant Mood Shifters? Instant Mood Shifters are those things that make you feel better immediately. Watching a funny video, throwing the ball for the...
The most important habit you can develop to become more resilient is this: Practice resilience.
Resilience isn’t really something that you are. It’s something that you do over and over again as a habit.
We all move in and out of resilience cycles. Sometimes we feel empowered. Sometimes we feel disempowered.
The difference is this: The people who make...