Instead of feeling guilty for snapping at your kids when you need them to HURRY, try this …
Communicate to them in advance about your need to be on time.
Say something like:
“I have a lot of things on my plate. Sometimes I feel anxious about getting places on time, and I worry that if I miss a deadline, the entire day will fall apart. Getting places on time helps me stay in control of all the balls I’m juggling. When I feel anxious about getting places on time, I tend to snap at the people slowing me down. That’s why I sometimes yell at you when I am trying to get you to move faster to get out of the house. I am working on staying calm. You can help me by getting dressed and out of the house quickly.”
Even if you do snap at them later (after all, most kids don’t exactly have a sense of urgency), you will feel better about how you have communicated with your children. And as they grow older, they will better understand you, and they will be more likely to understand your needs in the future.
They will also be more likely to model your style of communication.
When you show them how to talk about your responses to stressors, and to ask others for help, they will be more likely to emulate this behavior in their relationships, which will allow them to have better dynamics with their friends, family members, co-workers and bosses.
Teaching emotional intelligence skills to your kids oftentimes comes down to modeling emotional intelligence. If you would like to learn more about skills that will help you develop your own emotional intelligence, enroll in Resilience-Based Parenting, our 52-skill toolkit for raising resilient kids.
Truth be told, Resilience-Based Parenting™ will do as much for you as it will for your kids ...
After all, most of us aren’t taught resilience skills.
We aren’t taught to be emotionally intelligent.
We aren’t taught to communicate about our needs, or to talk about how our behavior changes based on the stressors in our lives.
But in Resilience-Based Parenting™, you can learn these skills in about ten minutes a week!
The conversation is the relationship.When you have good conversations with your kids, you have good relationships with your kids.
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