The Four-Part Process for Navigating Insecurity

self esteem self-care sunday Sep 26, 2021

We are all put in situations in which we lack confidence. Perhaps we are taking up a new hobby, meeting a new group of people, or embarking on a new career.

In today’s Self-Care Sunday tip, we take a look at how we can show up as empowered, positive versions of ourselves, even when we feel uncomfortable. After all, how we show up in these situations can determine whether we ultimately enjoy the experience or walk away feeling awkward and even embarrassed.

Showing up as our best possible selves is a skill, one that we teach in our Resilience-Based Parenting™ course, and one that all adults and children can benefit from learning.

Consider, for instance, what people look like when they do not have this skill. They can come across as combative or defensive, when really they are just feeling insecure. Oftentimes, they laugh at themselves, but not in a good way. Rather, their self-deprecation makes people around them feel uncomfortable.

The good news is, we can learn and practice a formula for how to show up as the best versions of ourselves when we feel insecure.

Step One: Admit that you lack confidence and are eager to learn. Most people want to be helpful, so if you confess that you are feeling a bit insecure in a positive, inviting way, you will likely have some allies on your side.

Step Two: Listen and ask questions. Fear makes us want to shut down and wrap a protective barrier around ourselves, but being defensive and protective doesn’t work in our favor.

Instead, it drives people away. Instead of being fearful and defensive about your insecurity, imagine yourself as an open door that is eager to let new information in. In other words, listen and ask questions. You’ve already admitted that you are in uncharted territory, and now you are demonstrating that you are eager to learn.

Step Three: Have fun, but don’t make fun of yourself. At times, laughter is appropriate, and certainly when learning something new, it’s appropriate to make mistakes and be light-hearted about these mistakes. After all, mistakes are part of the process of learning. But be careful that you aren’t making fun of yourself or degrading who you are. Doing something new takes courage, so be dignified, making sure that your actions and your words demonstrate that you have respect for yourself.

Step Four: Show gratitude. When you thank the person who talked to you at the party where you knew no one or the instructor who taught you a new skill you make those people feel good. They will remember that it felt good to be around you. And they will be happy to see you again and glad to continue helping you as supportive allies.


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