Our friend and the president of the Santa Monica PONY Baseball league, Marc Shrake, has this to say of coaching: “Most of the kids know what to do; they just need to be taught how to figure out for themselves how to do it.”
In other words, the wisdom exists inside of them. They just need to be taught how to find it.
He goes on to say that kids don’t need to be told every single time what to do when they swing and miss. Intellectually, they know what they are supposed to do.
“Most of the time, they need to be told to relax, take a deep breath, wait, trust their hands.”
The goal of coaching, he says, is that the kids learn to coach themselves. Instead of looking to the coach for step-by-step instructions, they look inward at what they already know.
This is also the goal of teaching resilience. The goal is that over time, your kids can figure out for themselves how to tap into their Inner Wisdom. The goal is that they figure out for themselves how to turn a single negative emotion into an opportunity for self-care. They figure out for themselves how to speak and think in ways that are empowering. They figure out for themselves how to re-emerge from a devastating defeat as a better version of themselves.
This requires modeling. It means that you, your children’s most important coach, are consistently showing your kids what it means to be resilient.
This why we post self-care tips and general resilience tips for adults. While we believe that conversations are the backbone of your relationship with your children, we also know that sometimes, it isn’t what you say that impacts your child. It’s what you do, how you show up in the world, and how you treat yourself.
And remember, most of the time, your children do not need to be told what they are doing wrong.
Most of the time, they need you to show them how to relax, take a deep breath, wait, and trust themselves.
The conversation is the relationship.When you have good conversations with your kids, you have good relationships with your kids.
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